“Men are not just hairy women with bad manners”, says, author Allison Armstrong. And she’s right! That’s one of the biggest mistakes that women make. Initially, we are attracted to and enjoy the obvious differences between men and women! But as the relationship progresses, we are notorious for expecting men to do and think as we do. And we frequently get upset when they don’t!
Men, on the other hand, just shrug their shoulders and complain to each other that nobody can understand women!
As I said in an earlier article, The Single Biggest Mistake Everyone Makes, one of the mistakes we make is to assume that words mean the same things to our listener that they do to us. This also applies to behaviors.
It’s natural to assume that the same behaviors have the same motivation behind them for everyone. For example, when I gaze off into space while you’re talking, it’s because I’m not listening to you (sorry, I just can’t pay attention to all the details about the last play in the big game!). So, if I notice that you’re gazing off into space while I’m talking, I naturally assume it means you’re not listening to me.
But is that really true?
Perhaps you are gazing off into space because you are imagining what it is I am talking about. Or perhaps you are listening very closely and you don’t want your emotions showing just yet.
Noticing a behavior is important. But be sure to remind yourself that it may not mean what you might assume it to mean, especially with men.
The thing to remember about relationships is that they are fluid and always changing. They never stay the same. Hopefully they are growing in a way that brings you closer together. The more you know about your partner and what his or her behavior is saying, the better your chances are for keeping your relationship going in the right direction.
Getting some deeper insight into what’s really going on behind the behavior gives you more useful ways to move forward.