Have you ever had that experience where you have what you think is a good idea, but your lover/ life partner just doesn’t seem to agree?
This can be very frustrating for the person who comes up with the idea, and for the other person who just can’t seem to get on board.
Here are several things to look for, when you just can’t seem to find out what’s getting in your way.
You may be a big picture person, and your partner/lover may be very detail oriented. While this combination can be valuable it can also be extremely annoying.
Your partner/lover may be looking at the future. He or she will be imagining the benefits in the future from acting on this idea in the present.
You may be looking at the present and seeing only the problems or lack of benefits in the present. Because your first concern is the present, you may be unable to see or imagine the benefits in the future.
We all approach life a little differently. Each one of us has our way of seeing the world. Some people look at life and see problems to be prevented. They do things because it will solve a problem, or stop a problem from occurring. They look to prevent problems along the way.
Usually the person who is coming up with a new idea is energized by the idea itself. He or she may only be focusing on the potential benefits not potential problems.
Take a moment to decide which description fits you in your situation where the disagreement is occurring. Are you the big picture person or are you the one who is concerned with the details?
Ask yourself if you are focusing on future benefits. Or are you only seeing the inconveniences and problems that may cause in the present. Hint: when someone tells you to stop raining on their parade, you know that you atore the one that sees the problems.
The important thing to remember is that both of these viewpoints can be extremely valuable. We need new ideas and inspiration. And we need problem solvers if we are ever going to get anything accomplished. But at this point it’s almost as though you’re speaking different languages to one another
So what can you do at this point?
Just remember that the person with the idea is generally looking at the future. He or she is watching their idea working. Because they are looking only at the benefits, they are not seeing what it will take to get things up and running.
If you are the person seeing the problems with this idea, you are probably looking at the present and seeing all the difficulties that your partner is overlooking because your partner is looking only at the future. He or she is caught up in the excitement of creating something new!
At this point, one thing you can do is change your language.
Pointing out the problems with the new idea will only generate more problems between the two of you. Instead of saying “this won’t work because…” Try saying “how do we handle it if such and such occurs” or “can we take a look at what could possibly get in the way”.
These suggestions will not completely solve your problem. But they will give you additional ways to keep the lines of communication open.
As long as we can take into account the differences in how we see the world, we are more able to discuss, understand and appreciate the value of what we each bring to the table.